In Praise of Beta Males

If you’re a guy online, you’ve probably seen someone selling a course on how to become an alpha male, how to be a better alpha male, how to act like an alpha male or how to date like an alpha male. Internet gurus often get roasted for saying particularly misogynistic things on Twitter. It seems like every guy wants to be an alpha male. Over the past decade, going to the gym has become a popular past-time for men of all ages in far greater numbers than before. I remember back in college that the worst time to go to the gym was in the evening because everyone and their brother was there working out. Back in the day, some guys would do arm curls before going out, so they would have a pump in their arms for a moment.

Much ink has been spilled about the problem of modern men. It seems like men of all ages have lost their way in the 21st century. It is true that men’s place in society has changed. Things have shifted, and many guys don’t know where they fit in. To fill this gap, men have started the trend of being an alpha as if by going back to a more primal state, men can rise above the changes going on in society.

I want to take a different view. I’d like to talk about Beta males and why Beta males are simply better off than Alphas in our new society. Beta males are portrayed as weak and foundering. This idea is far from reality. Now, bear in mind that this whole Alpha/Beta different is based on a very flawed scientific study of wolves in the 1970s. However, since the myth has persisted and this is the language being used in our modern discourse, I’m going to engage with it. Just bear that little factoid in mind.

Beta Men Are Great

All the alpha male gurus on Twitter will use Beta male as a pejorative for guys who aren’t working out all the time, getting a bunch of money, and playing the dating field with women. Beta men are described as weak, too agreeable, and boring. The spirit of the times in all those toxic Twitter accounts is that if one wants to “win” in life, then men have only one option: become an alpha male douchebag.

Let’s face it, the aggressive, alpha male asshole personality gets old. It might be intriguing at first, but it soon gets tiresome. I’ve heard more than one woman complain that they don’t feel like they can take their boyfriend or husband to certain events and spaces because he doesn’t know how to act in those spaces. For the career-minded modern woman, this can be a terrible liability.

Meanwhile, a Beta male is much more like to be agreeable, which makes for a much easier domestic living situation. It also means that this is a man who can be appropriate in a variety of situations. Beta men don’t need to be unfit schlubs, either. Gym memberships are available to anyone and everyone. A man can take care of himself and his body without being overly aggressive and particular about every small thing and focused only on himself and his ego.

No man needs to be afraid of being a Beta male. Although it might sound derogatory, there are plenty of ways to get in a relationship and win at life without having to fit what has become a toxic way of being in the world. The species that survive on this planet are those that can adapt. Beta males can adapt to different situations and find their way. This is an asset for men.

Beta Men Are Great for Women

If you’re a woman reading this, and you’re looking for a guy who will remember your birthday, be attentive in bed, thoughtful about your needs and feelings, and stable while not being boring, then you’ll want a Beta male. While an Alpha is on the hunt for someone or something else and serving his ego and ideas, a Beta is content to exist in an actual relationship with you. He doesn’t need constant validation and will be much more likely to meet you where you are and grow with you. Beta men are much better for a long-term relationship because they have the skills in emotional intelligence to understand the needs, wants and desire of other people. The alpha males don’t have a clue and most importantly don’t want a clue. For them, a relationship is all about them and their needs. A woman’s needs don’t rank very high for the alpha male. A Beta guy is much more like to be responsive to real needs over these alphas. The alpha male personality might be attractive initially, but if you want a long-term relationship that builds and grows, then an alpha is probably not the kind of guy you’re looking to date. I found several articles on popular women’s blogs about why dating a Beta male is great. The ingredients for a happy and long relationship are much more like to be present among the Betas than the Alphas.

For men, this leads to a better sex life because when women feel secure, happy, and loved, the sex is far better. This also means sex will usually happen more frequently, which also leads to happy people on both sides of the relationship equation. But Betas just aren’t great for the bedroom. As men, being able to adapt to situations and different emotional needs is precisely what a relationship needs. A relationship is all about being there for the other person. Beta men can do that, and if you’re a man reading this, this ability is a considerable asset in all areas of life.

Beta Men Are Happier

The adage goes that a happy wife leads to a happy life. However, anyone who has been in a long relationship knows that the whole relationship suffers when one party is deeply unhappy for long periods of time. Because the Beta male has less ego and isn’t overly aggressive and seeking outside validation, he ends being much happier in the long-run. He is going to stay and fix a relationship that might have gone off the rails. Beta men are more secure in themselves and their relationship. Beta men are not automatically unsuccessful economically but instead of sacrificing everything to climb the corporate ladder, a Beta man will have different priorities which makes them ideal for fatherhood and family. And that long-term stability can have a real financial pay-off as well.

Beta for Life

While it is helpful to remind ourselves that the entire alpha/beta dichotomy is rather silly, I hope that I have extolled the virtues of the Beta male and showed that just because a man isn’t an “alpha” doesn’t mean that he isn’t a suitable partner or someone worth dating and loving. In our new society that values agreeableness and adaptability, a Beta male will be a far safer bet in the long term for anyone looking to date men. Alphas might be cool and exciting, but a happy life and a long and emotionally satisfying relationship might be with more of a Beta male. There’s much to be said for Beta males, and it is long past time we acknowledge the great, normal, stable guys out there who go to work, do their job, and love their families. It is not often that we praise these quiet men. They don’t ask for much, and it is time we started giving back.