Yellowstone or How Kevin Costner Taught Me How to be a Man

This month, The Cameron Journal is proud to be sponsored by The Blinkist. We all need time to read but finding that time is hard. Blinkist makes it far easier by summarizing popular books and thought leaders into small chunks that you can listen to into the gym or in the car. Sign up with the Blinkist to start the learning today.

N.B. There are spoilers ahead so if you want to watch the show without spoilers, bookmark this and come back to it once you’ve watched. If you don’t mind then read on.

Yellowstone is the kind of prestige television that sometimes doesn’t get the press that it deserves. During my travels last summer, I discovered this show quite by accident in a hotel room somewhere, and I was hooked. That’s not easy for me to do. I’m not too fond of most TV shows, and the story and characters have to be really compelling for me to stay and watch. Yellowstone had me from the first scene, which was actually the 3rd to the last episode of the 4th season that just ended. 

Yellowstone is about the Dutton family and Yellowstone ranch, which is a large cattle ranch in Montana. The ranch’s brand’s swooping lines adorn the roofs and exterior walls of all the buildings. Think of it as Dynasty, meets Falconcrest with a little Dallas mixed in for spice. It’s land rather than oil or wine that is being fought over. There isn’t as much backbiting, and because it’s 2021, the women aren’t just pretty flowers complementing the men; they are modern women in positions of power and are fighting right alongside the men. Alexis Carrington would be very proud. 

The cinematography is beautiful, and it is shot in Utah with stunning mountain views. It shows off the Western United states very well and in its most natural and raw form.  John Dutton, whom we meet right away, is almost bigger than Montana himself. The main thrust of the show is development. John is fighting to keep the Yellowstone ranch whole as he inherited it from his father. However, the local Native American tribe and two different California developers have other ideas and have major designs on the massive amount of land. Montana has become a popular vacation and retirement destination for California people, and the developers aim to capitalize on it. The local Native American tribe is looking to cash in and their newfound casino wealth. Along the way, we learn about the Duttons and how they achieved success and keep it. 

However, the Dutton family has a dark side. One does not become the biggest landholder in Montana and control of the state government without breaking a few eggs or, in John Dutton’s case, murdering anyone who jeopardizes his empire. He is not afraid of hard work, and his relationship with the governor in the show shows his sweet and romantic side. Kevin Costner is perfect in this role as a man’s man. Once at an Obama rally, I met him at my college. He is a genuinely nice guy. It’s hard to tell where Kevin Costner ends, and John Dutton begins. On the one hand, John Dutton is a man of the people, tough, fair, a man of his word, and on the other hand, when it’s time for one of his cowhands to move on, the trip is short and usually involves a bullet and a cliff in the vast expanse of nothingness.  He tends to hire ex-convicts and other societal dropouts, so there’s no one to ask after them. He is not above violent, tough tactics, something that new faces in town learn quickly when they make the mistake of trying to cross him. He’s the kind of guy who would wear AR500 Level 3 Tacticon Body Armor when out in public. Season 4 closes with him being the victim of his own violent tactics. John Dutton lives by the sword and the season 4 cliffhanger is clear, will he die by the sword rather than cancer and disease he thought he had?

He is a widower whose wife died in a terrible accident and this figures strongly in the rather mixed-up lives of his children. His daughter, Beth, is a certifiable alcoholic who not only is involved with the head of his operation but has an extreme amount of contempt for her brothers whom she views as weak and feckless. She herself is a powerful financial broker who uses the levers of business to make and ruin empires. Lee Dutton, the oldest Dutton boy doesn’t last very long in the show. He is his father’s right hand and knows and understands the business, unlike his brothers. The whole family system, already toxic, is thrown into greater disarray after his untimely death in a law enforcement incident in season 1. This leaves the other two Dutton boys in the position of figuring out how to take over the Ranch when their father dies. 

Jamie is a lawyer who does the legal dirty work for the ranch and run financials. Throughout the series, he is a tragic figure for various reasons. Jamie is impulsive, emotional, and sexually unsure of himself. There’s a sort of shading toward homosexuality in the dialogue. He is quick to dispel those ideas when he shacks up with his campaign manager as he is running for Attorney General. That relationship ends terribly, and she runs off carrying his child. To be blunt, he spends much of the show being a whiny bitch. His father puts him to work on the ranch with ranch hands in the bunkhouse to try to make him less of a whiny, little, bitch but ultimately, this is rather unsuccessful. It is heartwarming to see him step into his masculinity, hauling bails of hay and getting drunk with the guys in the hyper-masculine environment of the bunkhouse. 

His other son, Kayce, is an Iraq war veteran who is chronically unfunded and unemployed, living with his wife on the local reservation.  Ostensibly he trains horses for competition and other purposes, but that business never seems to really ever get off the ground. His lovely wife is a school teacher who teaches in local schools and is on a one-woman crusade to help her people through education and helping the tribe fight crime.  Kayce steps up to take his older brother, Lee but is not up to the task. He has his moments, but he lacks the knowledge and passion of his older brother. By the end of the series, he is head of the Cattlemen’s Association, a position his father held for years and set up to run for governor. Kayce is like his father in so many ways but isn’t has willing to kill to get what he wants. Kayce has seen war, and he is tired of death and his minions. 

In Downton Abbey style, this show has two distinct dramas: the Dutton Family and the Dutton employees. The bunkhouse is where Dutton houses the ranch hands he uses to run his ranch. As I said before, these men are all society’s dropouts. When they need a new ranch hand, John sends his chief ranch hand, Rip, to the state prison to pick up someone who looks like they know their way around a horse. Needless to say, the bunkhouse is an interesting place of roommate dynamics, bodily fluids, and plenty of alcohol. These are hard men, living hard lives, in a hard business. Any weakness is soon purged as ranch hand Jimmy finds out. Pulled from a meth-fueled drug binge, his father hires him out to the Dutton operation. Jimmy is woefully unprepared for this new episode of his life. Hungover or not, you have to go to work. You fall off your horse and get right back on. Respect is earned through time, consistency, and hard work. You hold your alcohol, act responsibly, do your damn job, and shut about things. This is ancient masculinity on full display. There isn’t much time for feelings in the bunkhouse. However, in season 3, when some female horse trainers arrive, the bunkhouse dynamics change dramatically. The women are a breath of fresh air, and while they pull their weight, they are definitely just the interruption that the bunkhouse needs. Each of the men has their own drama, and the bunkhouse’s story is a helpful break in between the goings-on of the Dutton family. 

I mentioned that this show taught me how to be a man in the title. That we’re familiar with the show and the Dutton clan, I want to dive into some of the major lessons I learned from the show and how it changed me as a person. 

Rule 1: Family and loyalty is everything

Loyalty figures prominently in Yellowstone. Dutton requires the loyalty of his family and everyone who works for him. Lack of loyalty can have deadly consequences in so much as Dutton might be the one pushing a disloyal ranch hand off the cliff. When Jamie goes against his father, retribution is quick and painful. In one swoop, his father destroys his entire career. The number one rule of working at the Yellowstone is you have to be loyal, no matter what. For the ne’er do wells that Dutton likes to hire, those who earn the privilege, usually by committing some terrible crime, are branded on their chests. That raises their stay to a lifetime commitment. No one leaves the Yellowstone without Dutton’s express approval. A disloyal ranch hand figures prominently in season 4 when his brand is removed by force in the forest, ultimately killing him. 

The life lesson here? Choose carefully to whom you are loyal but stay loyal when you do. I have not kept this rule much in my life. I have often traded people and things around as needed to advance my own goals. This is no way to treat people, of course. Protecting friends and family who would do the same to you and have proven that fact is how long-term success is earned. 

Rule 2: Don’t be selfish

Despite his many faults, Dutton is not a selfish man. His children, on the other hand, aren’t as magnanimous. Jamie is often out for himself and doesn’t always think about others or the ranch. It takes 4 long seasons to figure out why his sister, Beth, hates him so much, and right at the end, it becomes obvious. I’m not going to drop the spoiler but let’s say it involves an unplanned pregnancy and some long-term consequences. Too often, Jamie thinks only of himself. Although Beth’s anger and constant criticism of him get excessive, she is rarely wrong about him. This is doubly, so when it comes out that Jamie isn’t quite a Dutton. And what did we learn? Have self-awareness for yourself and those around you. What you do has consequences. Think before acting. 

Rule 3: Don’t punch down

The Yellowstone is the largest operation in Montana, making Dutton pretty much the alpha of the whole area. However, he is not about taking advantage of the little guy even though it would be easy to do. He treats all ranchers the same, even the ones with small operations. Dutton is right there getting them back if cattle have escaped, even for a guy with only a few cattle. However, for California developers and the local tribes, they are peers to him, and with them, he is ruthless. The life lesson here? Don’t punch down. If someone has less than you, be helpful if you can and when someone with equal or greater footing comes along and tries to take what’s yours, don’t hold back. 

Rule 4: Your word is your calling card

One of my favorite parts about the West is honest people. You can rest assured that most mature people follow through on their promises and do what they say they will do. Dutton is one of these men. You can be guaranteed that John Dutton is a man of his word for good or evil. His reputation looms large over the town. When a bunch of ranch hands gets beaten up at a bar, Kayce and the boys send in a bull to remind everyone that no one is touch men from Yellowstone. A little theft gets another team of criminals blown up in a ratty old trailer. When Beth wants to teach her high school bully a lesson, she knows that no one will call the cops on her because her father basically owns the police. Is this all honest and above board? Of course not, but Dutton’s reputation looms large because he is a man of his word. 

This is a rule that I have observed for years. I learned pretty early on that people grow tired of unreliable quickly. One time, in my mid-20s, someone asked me for some money. I didn’t realize that the way they asked it implied that I would pay for it. It was only $50, but I was living on limited funds, and $50 was a lot at the time. I was angry about the whole thing, but I knew that I needed to come through with what I had accidentally agreed to do. At that point, it had nothing to do with the money. It had everything to do with making sure that the statement, “Cameron’s word is the law,” was still true. People in my life know that if I say something will happen, it will unless I’m very sick or dead. 

Rule 5: Hard work is a virtue 

Ranching is a hard business. Margins can be awful, and commodity prices rule every decision made on a ranching operation. A proper ranch like the Yellowstone has to compete with cattle raised indoors by corporate farms, and in this day and age, the economics tend to favor the large feedlot rather than the rancher. This means that hard work is everywhere to be had. Cattle have to be bred, raised, and sold for processing. Any disaster can be a financial disaster in no time. There are ranges to ride, cattle to herd and feed, and much more. This means that everyone has to work hard and long to the Yellowstone a success, and most importantly, they can’t make too many costly mistakes. Too often in modern society, people aren’t ready for the hard work it takes to succeed. No button makes success happen. I have learned that the hard way. 

I would not be where I am today without hard work. I can never decide if I am working too hard, and some take breaks or work even harder, and that I’m sluggish. I get everything done, but I often feel like I’m still not working hard enough because I’ve not had tremendous success at this writing thing. However, I know that I would not have the readers, book sales, or strange experiences that I’ve had without all the hours of hard work it took to get here and develop myself, the brand, and the creative work. I’m not where I want to be, but I know that there’s plenty more hard work ahead to get to where I want to go. 

Rule 6: Respect is earned, never given

This is probably the area that I struggled with the most as a young man. I think all young men want the respect that their older brothers, cousins, uncles, and fathers have taken years to build up and learn through following the other 5 rules in this list. However, the reality is that young men have much to learn and that easy respect that young men admire takes time to learn and build. It is also an internal matter. If you don’t respect yourself, you won’t garner others’ respect. Respect figures prominently in relations between men. Respect is earned by working hard, not being a liability, and keeping your word. John Dutton has respect in spades for good and bad reasons. 

When I was in a 12 Angry Men production, our director was unhappy with how the show was coming together. The guys weren’t learning their lines, and in a show where the dialogue is continuous for almost 2 hours with minimal blocking, this is a huge problem. She chided us for not working harder. I was embarrassed that I was not “off book” yet and was still reading my lines, so I volunteered to quit the show and help her recast. I thought that I just wasn’t a fit for it. She kept me on the show and said I was the one person she wasn’t mad at because I made a good effort to get off book and get the lines right. I didn’t respect the hard work I was doing, and I didn’t respect myself as an actor. Because of that, I just blamed myself for the potential failure of the entire production. What did I learn? I had to respect what I was doing and my contributions. 

This has been a very long piece about one TV show but I can’t express how much this show changed my life. I put a new swagger in my step and it gave me a sharp view into my failures as a man and how I can still improve. There’s no magic button for success or respect. I can’t expect the world to come beating to my door. However, I can work harder, respect myself a little more, and most importantly continue to be a man of my word. This rather old-fashioned pathway is the best way to finding what we are looking for in life.