Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Separation

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It’s never easy to be separated from loved ones due to divorce, prison time, or deployment. It’s stressful, to say the least, as you’ll have to figure out how to move on from such a life-changing event. But as challenging as times may be, you can get through this. In this post, we’ve compiled a few tips on how you can cope with separation: 

Coping with separation and divorce

Even if your marriage wasn’t the greatest, it’s still normal to feel sad, confused, or frustrated when you leave the person whom you’d thought was the love of your life. This is because you don’t just lose your partner but also your plans and the person you used to be. Here are some strategies on how to get through separation from a partner. 

• Let yourself feel. It’s perfectly fine not to feel fine. Allow yourself to mourn the end of your marriage, whether that involves sobbing into a pillow or screaming into the void. If you bottle up your emotions, they’ll eventually burst out and become more intense. 

• Find support from friends and family. You don’t have to go through this alone. Surround yourself with loved ones to whom you can open up without fear of criticism. Choose your support system wisely – you don’t want to be around people who’ll tell you how you should and shouldn’t feel. 

• Spend time on your pastimes. To avoid dwelling on all the new changes in your life, busy yourself with your hobbies. If you don’t have a hobby, you’ve got to be willing to try a wide range of activities until you find one you enjoy. Join a ceramics class, get into gardening, or do some DIYing – you could even reconnect with old hobbies you weren’t able to do because of your ex!

• Help children cope by building a routine. If you have children, understand that they don’t need further disruption in their day-to-day life. To help your children cope, you must try to maintain their routines. This way, you can create a sense of normalcy. 

• Slow down. Separation can be stressful. Stress can make your body more vulnerable, which is why it’s more important than ever to be kind to yourself and to focus on self-care. Go on a walk, treat yourself to a spa day, take time off work, or meet a friend for mid-day mimosas. Do what works for you. 

Coping with an incarcerated loved one

Incarceration can turn your whole world upside down. With your loved one suddenly gone, you’ll have to figure out how to move on and manage without them. If you have a loved one who was sentenced to prison, we’ve put together a few tips on how to get through this huge change:

• Consider support groups. No one will be able to understand you better than people who also have loved ones in prison. If possible, join support groups designed for the families of persons in jail. In that way, you’ll have a judgment-free outlet where you can freely talk about your feelings and pick up coping strategies from your peers.  

• Let go of feelings of guilt. Some spouses feel upset when their partner is in prison while they aren’t. If you feel this way, remember that your partner was the one who made the choices that landed them in prison. Let go of your guilt and don’t dwell on what you could and should’ve done. 

• Take it one day at a time. The incarceration of a loved one often results in fear of the future. What will your life look like in ten, twenty, or thirty years? While it’s important to plan for the future, you shouldn’t do this when your loved one is imprisoned, or you’ll feel even more worried. So try to slow down. Once you’ve come to terms with your circumstances, that’s when you should start coming up with a long-term plan. 

• Stay connected. Your loved one may no longer be by your side, but that doesn’t mean they’re gone for good. Just because they’re in jail doesn’t mean their role in your life needs to end. Communicating with a loved one in prison is important as it helps you maintain a close relationship with them. Plus, knowing that they’re doing OK gives you peace of mind.

Coping with deployment separation

Separation from a friend or family member who’s deployed can be stressful. You may be worried about your loved one’s safety and wonder if your marriage can withstand the distance. If this is your first separation as a military couple, here are some tips on how to maintain your sanity while you count down the days to their return:

• Be busy. Find things to do so their deployment isn’t the only thing on your mind. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, now’s the perfect time to do it, whether that’s volunteering, visiting family, or watching a movie. However, don’t undertake too many things to keep busy. Otherwise, you’ll be even more stressed out. 

• Maintain open communication. Contact your loved one while they’re away, whether via video chat, email, or other modes of communication. In that way, you can find comfort in each other and feel less lonely. 

• Make plans for their return. Having something to look forward to is a great reminder that your situation is temporary. During their deployment, think about what you’d want to do together when they return, such as going on a dinner date, a weekend getaway, etc.

You can survive separation 

Going through a separation can be an overwhelming experience, but with these tips, it can be more manageable. To get through this tough time, just remember that life can go on even if you’re away from your loved ones, whether permanently or for a short period. We hope these tips help you ease the pain of separation and enable you to bounce back stronger than before.