This Best Advice is going to be a little different because I’m going to start with a bit of a story and a rant and then actually dole out some hard-earned advice.

The Making of Cameron Cowan

In the beginning was Cameron and he was just a boy with an interesting mind, a wild imagination, and the social skills of a hermit who hadn’t left a cave since the Nixon Administration. I desperately wanted to talk about things that matter, bounce ideas off of people and have the most fascinating conversations. Growing up very sheltered I had no clue about sports beyond Rugby (which no one watched) or even most pop culture. Music was a mystery if the song didn’t start with the words symphony or sonata and that left with me as a big talker with big ideas and no good way to articulate them, be relevant or get people to listen to me. And small talk to get to know someone? Impossible. I always figured that I was there, smart and ready to talk what more was there to do?

Quite a bit.

So I decided to educate myself. I did was any good geek/nerd would do. I dashed down to the local library (It’s 2002 forgive me already) and I check out books on conversation including How to Win Friends and Influence People and basic books on conversation and how to talk about anything to almost anyone. Socially for a long while I used these skills to be a kind of chameleon. I was whoever you wanted me to be and I kept up on things so that I could just go on about any old thing and seem to know everything. I quickly found out that was social suicide, especially as a youngster. Pretty soon I got a reputation as a pretentious know-it-all who would say/do/be anything to get attention. Not exactly the way to win friends and influence people. So having said all that, the below list is a way to avoid my many pitfalls in becoming the socially adept person you now see today.

Listen

Let’s face it, people love to talk about themselves (most people anyway) and so one of the most powerful things you can do is listen to people. In Pulp Fiction, Mia Wallace asks Vincent Vega if he listens or waits to talk and Vincent admitted that while he tried to listen, more often he was waiting to talk. Mia accurately says, “You can tell a lot about a man that way.” Listening is easy as long as you can clear your mind and be present to what the person is saying and really be there in that present moment. It takes practice but you can do it.

Be Authentic

Now this might seem a bit counter intuitive because if you’re trying to improve a bland personality being yourself is the last thing you would want to pursue! But here’s what is interesting, if you are “fake” or putting on an act, people see right through that. So the best thing to do is really know who you are: what you like, don’t like, are willing to try and why. I respect someone far more who speaks from conviction rather than ignorance. One of the worst things you can do is pile on things that seem interesting without actually learning about them or actually getting into them. The best way to grow authentically is to try new things and get involved in new things.

Get Hobbies (and TV doesn’t count)

Geeks need not recoil in horror! I know how important the Wholock fandom is but the simple fact of the matter is this: just talking about TV shows doesn’t carry an evening’s conversation. However, an interesting hobby might do the trick because it generates fascinating experiences that you can use to tell stories, talk with similarly inclined people and most importantly, you can contribute to other people’s conversation.

Be Open to New Experiences

The worst thing a person can do is be stuck, stuck in the old ways, the old this and the old that. Getting up and trying something new and out of your comfort zone is really hard but the rewards are tremendous. Not only do you meet new people but you create new stories and experiences that will serve you as time goes on. As an artist, I’m always taking risks, but in everyday life you can do little things that build up your stamina for new things. Try a different coffee shop, change grocery stores, go to a new laundromat. Then you can go from that and do bigger things. Try committing to doing one new thing a month. Over time, you’ll really be creating something new for yourself. It’s your life, live!

Let me know how this has helped you in the comments below or on social media! Got questions? Leave me a comment or drop me a line.