How To Make Up After An Argument

An argument, whether with your partner, a friend, or a colleague, can be difficult to come back from. Even after you have apologised, ill-feeling can linger. If this is happening to you, here are some of the most effective ways to make up after an argument. 

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Don’t Pretend It Didn’t Happen

It can be tempting to skip the apologies and get up the next day and pretend the disagreement never happened. Don’t do this. 

Don’t Continue To Punish The Other Guy

You do the silent treatment, not because you aren’t sure how to make-up, but because it’s a way to punish and continue the argument in another way. During this stage, you might find yourself throwing in some passive-aggressive behaviors in order to rub salt in the wound. 

Cool Off

You want to cool off in order to get your rational brain back. If you try to talk about the argument too soon, then you are likely to trigger each other again. Keep in mind that different people will differ in how much time they will need to calm down. If you aren’t ready to come back and talk things through yet, say so clearly. Just say, “I’m still upset. I’m not trying to ignore you, I just need some more time to cool off.” If the other party asks you for more time, back off and let them have the time they need. 

Go Back And Solve The Problem That Started The Argument

What did you argue about? Whether it was because you let the kids have something they shouldn’t, you slacked off on a work project, or you got drunk at your friend’s wedding and ruined it, this is where things can get difficult. You both say you’re sorry, but don’t revisit the reason for the argument. This often happens because you’re afraid that the discussion will turn into another fight. The challenge is to go back and talk about it and solve the problem, rather than sweep it under the rug. 

Your job at this point is to keep calm. Pretend you are at work and act in the way you would if a coworker had done something that had annoyed you. Resist the urge to get back into an argument. Don’t start into things like, “you said,” “if you hadn’t said,” and so on. Move forward instead. Come to an agreement about parenting, make a plan for dividing up work, or look into rehab centers to help with your embarrassing behavior when you drink. If the topic heats up again, stop, go away to cool off, and try again. You could also try writing down how you feel about the problem before you come back to talk again. 

Work out the moral of the story of your argument. You want to put right the problem so it doesn’t keep coming up, and you also want to learn something that the argument can teach you about communication and the underlying source of the problem.