Jayson: Gay on a Budget

1. What’s your best secret to be fabulously gay on a budget?

I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

2. Tell us what was the hardest things about coming out?

The hardest thing for me was feeling like I had everything to lose and nothing to gain. At that point I had little to no LGBT exposure, and because of that I waited because in my mind I had no community to support me once I was out.

3. What are you up to right now? Give us a day in the life of?

Right now I’m working in the Philadelphia school district in a service-oriented program that essentially fills in the (many) gaps that the school district can’t fill. I work from approximately 7:00 – 6:00, including commute time and work on my writing for any number of hours when I get home.

4. There has been much talk in the streets about dating in the gay community and racism. What’s your take?

The gay community is ripe with racism. This racism is most often empowered by homonormative values which follow the norms set by our white, heterosexual dominant society. Black beauty is more often fetishized than appreciated and is much less represented than its white counterpart. In essence, if we live in a society that places white beauty on top, the values themselves may seep into any and all groups. You see this in complexion biases in the black community (light-skinned vs dark-skinned) and in the gay community on dating sites on which black people are specifically denied on users’ profiles. Despite the fact that we remain an oppressed group, we fight amongst ourselves so that we may not be the MOST oppressed. It’s a sad battle that keeps us all down, because fighting to be at the top of the bottom is still on the bottom… it’s just a little less bottom. No pun intended.

5. I was really inspired by your article about accepting being a more feminine gay guy, what inspired you to write that or take on that issue?

I was inspired to write that piece because I see so little feminine gay love in the world around me. Sure, you have characters played up as the comedic best friend or the sharp-tongued sass queen, but rarely, and I mean RARELY, is a feminine gay male placed in a role of power or aspiration. You’ll see few, if any, media representations in which a gay male character is pursuing a feminine gay male as a romantic partner. They’re not viewed as one to be pursued because we don’t view femininity in males as attractive because we’re programmed not to. It starts from youth when we’re told Barbies aren’t for us, and to stop “acting like a girl” whenever we express sorrow or pain. I took all of these awful realities and hoped this article would serve as a big middle finger to them.

6. What do you think about the portrayal of gay men in media? It seems like there has been an increase but it seems to be a very limited scope of man. Give us your thoughts.

As per my previous response, media makers need to understand that there are more than gay white men out there and that gay men are as human, and as humans we can be as multi-faceted and complex as any other human. They need to think of the character’s sexuality as secondary and not as a defining factor. Who we bone has little to do with who we really are, at least in my humble opinion.

7.  It seems like everyone is trying to out every one else (think Nick Jonas, 50 cent and Vivica) what do you think about that?

Society is obsessed with boxes and labels, and anyone who doesn’t easily fit into one is immediately witch-hunted. We’re a people obsessed with simplicity because having to think hurts our heads.

8. If you could wave a fabulous gay magic wand, what would you change about the LGBT community?

I’d make it impossible for gay, cis, white men to interrupt other members of the queer community, and change all “masc only” gay men into the biggest sissies in the entire world.

9. What is your take on the gay dating apps? Ever since the arrival of grindr there seems to be two camps (one for and one against).

I personally don’t use Grindr. I checked out once and never went back. Personally, I don’t care what others choose to do, as long as they practice safe sex and don’t take incorporate oppressive values into the “dating” process.

10. Gender expression seems to be a trending thing, what do you think that means for the future of gender expression?

I wouldn’t say it’s trending, so much as that there are now platforms that offer people both the space and opportunity to talk about it. In the long-run, this will (hopefully) shift societal value to a less man/woman view, and embrace the freeing spectrum that gender offers.

11. What’s next for you? What can we look forward to seeing from you in the near future?

I’ll be continuing to develop Gay on a Budget (gayonabudget.com) and working my freelancer butt off until Tavi Gevinson, Roxane Gay, or Joss Whedon hire me for something. I’m admittedly bad at planning specifics. You can mostly look forward to me looking forward.

12. Where can we find you on social media?

At gayonabudget.com, on Twitter and Tumblr @gayonabudget, or on Facebook under Gay on a Budget.

13. What do you want people to know most about you?

That everything I am is the product of intense introspection, self-absorption, hard work, overthinking, reading, and listening.