Men: The Unsung Victims of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence has been a trending topic as of late, especially this summer when actress Emma Roberts was arrested for attacking her boyfriend and co-star Evan Peters (of American Horror Story fame).

Traditionally, Domestic Violence laws have been written with one stereotypical paradigm: the weaker woman who can’t defend herself getting physically abused by the stronger, angry man who due to some lack of character/drinking problem/drug problem can’t control his temper and is physically abusing his wife as a way to make his feelings be heard or to feel like more of a man.

Indeed, it was important to give women a way out. In the 50s and 60s, battered women (my grandmother included) had little recourse if they suffered from an abusive husband. Sometimes the local men of the town would take matters into their own hands but the offense had to be egregious before anything would be done. The police had few powers as to what happened on private property at the time and usually a wife who said anything was advised to simply “be a better wife” or was ignored.

Obviously, it was good that new laws were written to punish the scummy guys who could only articulate their problems with their fists on the woman they were supposed to love and protect. Shelters for women started opening the 70s and 80s allowing women to escape dangerous situations where their very lives were at risk. However, as time went on the laws went past protecting women and became excessively punitive to such a degree that an errant domestic violence charge can ruin a man’s future entirely leaving him broke, jobless, and often homeless with no prospects. If the problem is legitimate then I have little sympathy for that man. However, too often domestic violence laws are used a leverage. That is very wrong and more oversight in that area is needed. Laws are beginning to moderate and the manipulation is beginning to come out in the media and in the courtroom.

I’ve said all that to talk about unsung victims of domestic violence.

In our modern age, men are catching up with women as victims of domestic violence.

There are none of the protections or support that I just described for them. 

According to the CDC 29% of straight men (26% of gay men) reported domestic violence in their lifetime. This even goes down to younger people. In the TIME story I just cited, she cited 4 cases where women attacked boys in school with themselves or sharp objects. While the boy who shot the girl for refusing his prom invitation made the news, those attacks were not passed around by the Social Justice Warriors on Twitter.

When I went looking for an infographic to use in this article, it was results for women that popped up first. Although this is a growing problem, there is less and less data about it because it does not serve the narrative that women are victims to aggressive men. As I’ve said above, this is not to say that women aren’t victims of violence, they are. The gap between the genders is getting closer together. The cherry on top is that only a few women will get arrested. If the same crimes were committed by men, people would be calling for charges in the streets and it would follow them forever. Just look at Chris Brown. If Emma Roberts had been the battered party instead of Evan Peters, his career and life would be over and she would be at the UN talking about how we need to stop violence against women. Where were the charges for Solange Knowles when she attacked Jay-Z in the elevator while her sister Beyonce looked on? If that had been in reverse you had bet both girls would have been beating that man with every bag and heel they could get their hands on and he would be in jail and a sympathetic America would bleed for Beyonce and her daughter.

When are we going to stop women for committing violence against men? When are we going to build centers for them to go when their homes become dangerous? There are only 60 in the UK for men compared to the 7300 for women (according to The Guardian). There are precious few in the US (less than 50 from what I could find) and often the local resource was an understanding women’s shelter.

Men are humans too. They deserve to be safe in their own homes

It is time that we start looking for solutions to stop domestic violence of all kinds regardless of gender. That means that shelters need to serve men and women. Hotlines need to be created and a real effort to help people, regardless of their genitalia. That is true equality.